Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize