Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
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He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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