Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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