I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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