He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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