I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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