you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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