Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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