haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize