He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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