Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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