mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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