i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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