Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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