did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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