you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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