If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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