I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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