we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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