My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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