Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize