I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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