You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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