I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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