My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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