after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize