If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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