Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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