The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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