i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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