maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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