i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
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Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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