How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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