Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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