What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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