So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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