So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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