I forgot how hot balto sounded
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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