His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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