Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
