Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
