remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I puked a lego.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize