Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize