"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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