Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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