I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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