I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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