Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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