Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
