I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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