So drunk its hurt
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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