I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
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I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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